Ruth Nieves

I can exhale now...I feel as if a weight has been lifted and I can breathe! It feels so good. I've been running uphill for three weeks now and I have finally reached the top, the peak and I can finally, breathe...wow, what an amazing feeling! I read somewhere that life comes in waves...peaks and valleys. One minute you are soaring and the next you are gasping for air. I know that things might change tomorrow. I am not naive. But I will enjoy this moment. I will enjoy the freedom it brings...the freedom to laugh and sleep. When you are in the valley and finally reach your peak, all of the little things that used to bother you don't anymore. They don't matter. You see things differently. You laugh differently.You see your spouse differently, your children. The day is brighter. I have come to understand that the same God that is with me when I reach the top, the peak, is the same God that is with me in my valley experiences. I have learned that I am not alone when I feel alone...

This week has been a week of intense emotion on many different levels. My husband was hospitalized after a misdiagnosis that could have been almost fatal had we not persisted in getting him to a different hospital. What should have been a minor procedure of removing a sick appendix turned out to be much worse because of the lapsed time between the misdiagnosis and the actual diagnosis. To see my husband, a strong and independent man, healthy and beautiful so drained and sick, made me sad and angry. I could not understand why this was happening, especially to him. During the surgery, I get a call from my mother that my youngest was sick with a fever. I was so torn and could not seem to take it anymore. My insides were a mess and all I wanted to do was scream, run and breakdown. I did cry, and thankfully, I had two really good friends by my side that encouraged me and really helped me along. My husband ended up staying in the hospital for an entire week, due to the infection and post-op...

Dealing with the scary issues in our lives, well, it's just that....scary! I can attest that there have been many instances in my life where I would rather ignore major issues, struggles, worries, and fears for fear that it will not be pretty. Let's be honest, dealing with serious issues and wounds cause our hearts to race, forcing our minds to remember, in turn having the pain resurface. It was painful once, why  feel it again? Personally, when I had to deal with the abuse I experienced as a child, it was just plain bad. It was messy, physically, mentally and emotionally...not just for me but for those around me. There were a lot of tears...I call them "cleansing" tears. Many women have stuffed their emotions so far down that they can't remember exactly what, just that it was extremely painful. It's been 10, 15, 30 years and still the abandonment, abuse, neglect has not been dealt with by many of us. Because feeling it would make us remember and remembering ...

I am guessing that right about now you are wondering which battle am I referring to. Being that we battle so many of them on a daily basis. As a woman, as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend...we experience challenges and trials of all kinds and at different levels. I am struggling once again with this thing called "fear." Something I struggled with all of my life. Afraid of things that I have no control over. Not being able to sleep or relax, always being on alert. Having no peace or true joy. I find myself wondering why am I dealing with this again...after many years of freedom? As I sat last night asking God this very question, God softly and gently let me in on a little secret. What He revealed to me was a child walking with her father in a beautiful forest. He is pointing out some really beautiful things that he wants to share with her. After a little while, she begins to wander off, alone. She is distracted by a bird here and a beautiful butterfly over there...and slo...

After coming home from work, helping with homework, making dinner, baths, snacks and laundry, I actually made it to the gym. When I get home, the dishes are still in the sink, the kids are still awake and the house in in disarray. Before I continue, I need to point out that my wonderful husband does help around the house. He is a wonderful husband and an even greater dad. He was just as tired as I was from a long and exhausting day. Needless to say, I was a "little" upset(to say the least). So, I took off my sneakers and my jacket, rolled up my sleeves and began washing the dishes. As I washed and scrubbed, I grumbled and complained. "I can't believe the dishes aren't done, I mean, come on, I work just as hard. I work outside the home and inside the home and everywhere else and I deserve not to have to do the dishes sometimes"...and on and on and on. As I'm washing my pretty dishes, God interrupted my pity party, my complaining session. And He said, ...

All I can say is that Sunday was a very difficult day for me...I just could not get into the realm of the praise. My body was in the House but my heart was not there. I kept asking myself, "what is wrong with you, Ruth?" "What's going on?" I couldn't shake it as much as I tried to sing and listen to the amazing words that were being spoken...truths that should have made me leap off of my feet. At one point I began to think way back on things that had been said about me and things that had been done and I became angry, all during the powerful time of praise. Can you believe it? The enemy had latched himself to me and would not get off. I knew right then and there that I was at war! At war with the spiritual realm. At war with the enemy of my joy and soul. I sat there stunned and fighting. And all week, I have felt such a heaviness. A sort of despair, that I have not been able to shake. Praying to God continuously has kept me sane. Knowing that this is a seas...

I must say that even in the small things and in the smallest of prayers, God answers. I am continually amazed at the fact that God is concerned about my smallest need and concern. Today, for instance, I took Joey to practice and he was in full gear...helmet, cleats, jersey, shoulder pads...pads all over. And it was hot! As I opened my red chair on the football lawn and sat, I could feel the sweat pouring off of me and I was in capris and a short sleeve shirt. I prayed. I asked the Lord silently in my heart to make the sun go away and make it a little cooler. And almost instantaneous, it did. The sun hid behind a cloud and a nice breeze began to blow. And all I could say was, "thank you, Lord." And then I began to think. And I asked myself(and God), "why aren't all of my prayers answered so quickly." And the answer came just as quickly, "because many times you ask with the wrong motive...Because sometimes my answer is no....because there is a purpose in wait...