Sitting here at my kitchen table while the sun warms my back in silence with the ticking of the clock is therapeutic for me today. These are the times where I feel God ever so close to me. I have been in a desert place lately. But I've read and learned that it is in the desert that God speaks ever so tenderly to those of us who seek Him. And I am seeking God. Seeking Him for a lot of things. Not material things. But seeking Him for spiritual things, depth and clarity, direction and peace in where He directs.
I have believed a lie for a long time. And in believing this lie I have exhausted my soul, my mind, my spirit. For a long time, for about one year, God has been telling me to stop. Stop everything. Stop doing. Stop trying to help, to achieve. Stop! In one of my journal entries all that was written in big, bold letters was the word, "STOP!" Even when I heard God so clearly telling me to stop I have done anything but stop. The lie that if I am not doing I am not being productive. If I am not doing I am not being used. If I am not doing then I am a failure. If I am not doing then I am being a terrible helpmate to my pastor husband. To be perfectly honest I feel as if I am trying to beat the clock. I am almost in my 50's and though I know this isn't the end of my life there are things that I want to accomplish and I feel, in believing the lie, that I need to get to it because I don't have much time left. I look back at my life and wonder, "what have I done for the Lord that has been significant and impactful?" I look around me and I see a lot of women in ministry doing great things for God. They are superheroes saving young boys and girls from human trafficking, feeding the hungry, risking their lives for the sake of the gospel all over the world. And I look at my simple life and wonder. I wonder if you've ever felt that way too.
It's in this desert place that I find myself in where God whispers beautiful truths to me. I say they are truths because I know I haven't spoken to myself this way in a long time and only God can penetrate these negative self talks with such love and tenderness. He tells me to, "Stop." Stop comparing myself to someone else (as women we like to do this a lot). Stop trying to do and be and and achieve. Be Ruth. Be caring and loving and nurturing, I've created you like this. Be a good wife and mom, you love that family of yours. Be at peace and you can only achieve that by spending time with me in prayer and silence and solitude ( I know this is hard to do but I will make times available to you if you look for the time). Laugh, because you love to do that and I have given you a good one. You aren't this person and that person. You are uniquely you and I made you this way for a reason. You are raising strong young men who are after my heart and I will use them for my glory because of the love and attention and discipline and grace and compassion you have shown them and raised them in. You don't need to speak to thousands or even hundreds to be significant. You love your family and those I have entrusted to you and because of you they will change the world. Be faithful with what I have entrusted to you and I will take care of the rest. You're my daughter and I love you. Just take care of yourself by spending time with me. Take a walk and look at my beauty which I have created just for my children. Listen to beautiful music and sit amazed at how just a few keys and notes can create such beautiful sounds. Or just sit and listen for my voice. Be still and breathe and be." Wow! This prayer is for me but maybe it resonates with you. God wants you and me to stop and be. Stop and Be. Stop and Be Still and Know That He is God. Stop and Be Still. Stop and Know...that He is God. My life is different than yours. My life has meaning and purpose. Your life has meaning and purpose. It just looks differently than mine. Be faithful with what He has entrusted to you and He will take that which He has entrusted to you and multiply it and use it and do great things with it. When you get discouraged find a quiet place, take a deep breath and sit with your Heavenly Father. Let Him calm your fears. Let Him touch your soul. Don't say a word. Just sit and be.
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