Sometimes You Fee Like a Nut....Sometimes You ......

Sometimes I feel as if my life is a whirlwind. As a pastor's wife my life and ministry are one. They are intertwined. Some say this isn't a good idea but it is who we are...so yes, my mind is always thinking about this person or that person, or when will our next Girls' Night Out will be, and so on.
I am home with a sick little boy today and I'm thinking about the office and the laundry that seems to morph into something monsterous. The dishes in the sink, the beds that need to be made, the projects that are due at the school, homework, sports, kids registration, greeters, worship, my husband, Transformation Groups ---- get the picture? I guess I'm not much different than many of the women all across this country, but most days I feel like that song they used to sing back in the 80's for that candy bar --- "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." Except that I feel like a nut most of the time. Exhaustion can settle in faster than anything and then comes the crankiness.  Joe can attest to that. He runs for cover when he sees the signs...LOL. But now that I am a little older (just a little) and somewhat wiser (some may not agree) I can see where I am headed and begin to take measures to help me not get overloaded and frantic. I grab a cup of tea and some chocolate and I sit for a while --- alone ----once everyone is in bed --- and breathe. Meditate on His word and just sit in the peace and comfort of His presence. I sing, sometimes I hip-hop, Flash Dance(those of us from the 80's remember this) or "whip my hair back and forth" (my boys love that song --- I can see why). I just need to get that "nutty" feeling out of me so that I can function for all concerned ....my family most of all. Ii want to be most effective in ministry but most of all at home. There needs to be balance...God gave us to of everything, except for our hearts and stomach...one heart so that it could not be divided and one stomach so we wouldn't indulge doubly (yet this doesn't seem to stop some of us). God is so wise and loving....so into us...how incredible. His focus is you and me....our focus should be Him. In this crazy world,with our crazy lives, our focus can only be one thing. And that one thing should be not just a good thing but the best thing. And this best thing is God. When we lose focus on God we become overwhelmed, confused, easily irritated and frustrated. We make those around us crazy and irritated.  We lose balance and harmony with our families and ministries. What a simple concept - Focus on God --- but yet it is so hard to do. Help us, Lord to remain focused on you all the days of our lives so that we can be effective, balanced at home and ministry, and be at peace with God and family.

Antiseptic Heart Wash

What an amazing day yesterday was...I was pumped all day! Couldn't wait to get to Transformation and start loving on people. That's how we roll here...LOL. From honoring our Transformer Volunteers, to seeing hundreds of people walk through our door...many if not all burdened (but leaving Transformed). I love being the wife of this passionate pastor who loves his people, and the world, who loves his family and his calling.
But last night, of course after such an amazing day, I get news that is not so cool. And my heart starts getting real ugly. My disposition, countenance changes and my family can tell I'm tense and upset. I go to bed this way and get up this way too...not good! So now I'm up way before everyone is up and the hustle and bustle begins. I sit to pray and read something that will challenge me and "slap" me out of this attitude. And so this is what I open up to...Ephesians 5:15-20....we'll focus on verse 20..."always giving thanks to God the Father for everything..." So, I am convicted and challenged, to do just that...thank Him for the news and thank Him for all things He has given to me...
How easy to go from a spiritual "high" to an attitude low...so much so that your demeanor, attitude, state of whether you care or not changes in one instant. This morning as I brushed my teeth and did my morning ritual, I took the antiseptic mouth wash out and began to rinse my mouth and God spoke to my heart and said, "Girl, (this is how He speaks to me) you need an antiseptic for your heart and your attitude." This was after my time alone with Him and after reading what I had read and still I didn't get it or want to do what He strongly suggested I do. So I am meditating on His word, which is that antiseptic and I am thankful for all He has given to me...I am listing 10 things I am thankful for today:
1. God's love for me
2. His understanding and forgiveness
3. My husband - so patient and loving! That after all these years he loves me and still finds me sexy and super appealing to look at...he is my biggest fan and cheerleader...pushes me out of my comfort zone to be all God wants me to be and puts up with my laundry problem(I hate putting it away!)...I love you, my love!
4. My two boys - they bring me such joy and they too are patient and loving...when I am down they bring me right back up with those hugs and kisses that can melt an iceberg.
5. God's calling on my life - that He would take a confused, insecure girl and make her into a woman whose story can touch others..."He takes the foolish things of this world to confound the wise..." Thank you, Father!
6. Our little house on the prairie - love the peace that God gives no matter how big or small your dwelling is. Love the open landscape and the mountains as my backyard...thanking Him for His favor
7. Transformation Team - Thankful for the amazing team that God has allowed to come to TC to help fulfill the vision and mission,"Helping those far from God become truly devoted followers of Jesus." Amazing Team,honored to serve alongside of these peeps!
8. Thankful for women that are like-hearted and minded  who are in the same boat as I am. Thankful for women who inspire me to be vulnerable and open and not to hide behind anything but to be all God wants me to be. I love these women and pray God's hand of provision on their lives,His hand of protection for them and their families, for joy and peace to be in abundance...and if you can believe it, some of them I haven't even met.
9. Thankful for my health and the health of my family....that even though we are tired...ministry is exciting and exhausting...wouldn't have it any other way....
10. Thankful that I can think clearly and am able to write and express my heart with you. That I can see and feel and hear. That God isn't finished with me yet and that His love for me is unending...

I feel so much better now...my attitude has changed and so has my heart...thank God for His word and His hard lessons...that He loves me too much to leave me the same...
Try listing 10 things you are thankful to God for and see what happens...and then tell me about it....can't wait to hear...

New Seasons

The thing about new seasons is that they are exciting and well, new. Some seasons are good...but many others are challenging, and down right hard. Yet, I know that in every season God has a plan. Though I can honestly say, that I have no clue as to what He doing in my life or why, half the time...I know that He loves me. There have been seasons where I was on the verge of losing my mind...you know, those seasons where you are right on the edge of reality and wishing you were (mentally, physically, emotionally) not in the moment. When we lost our son, Seth, I was on that edge. I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to be transported to another planet just so I couldn't feel the pain of our loss. Yet, one day, before the funeral, I find myself so full of rage and pain that I had no way of releasing it except by breaking every piece of glass in my path. Somehow I ended on the floor and I kicked and screamed, my dad and my husband held me down and all I could do was scream and cry. At one point I look up and from the corner of my eye I see my oldest boy, Joey, looking at me lying on the floor...it was at that moment that I decided to live on this side of the world. If just for him and my husband, I had to live. A day or two later, I sat outside and in a strange way, I thanked God for allowing it to be spring(my favorite season). I saw the purple crocuses peeking out and I heard the birds chirping as I sat on my back porch, trying to escape the stares from family and friends. I knew that this was God's gift to me...spring. It's as if He was saying, "winter is over, but spring is here." I learned so much during this season. I learned that even though I may not understand His plan, I can trust Him because He loves me. I learned that He loves me more than anything and that He wept with me when I wept because He knew how much pain I was in. He was my comfort and my peace. He was so good to me. I decided to stay here on planet earth because even though I did not understand I had hope that one day I would see my beautiful boy again. I would hold him and we would be together forever.
Though seasons come and go and some are good and some are bad...we have hope because God does live and because He loves us!
After Seth went to be with Jesus, we weren't sure we would have anymore children...but God thought different. Our Josiah was born two years later. And let me tell you, he is a true joy. A gift from my God!
Despite the season you are in today...know this...God cares and He loves you. And though you may not understand, trust Him. And remember. Remember how good he has been to you. Remember where He has brought you from. Don't forget. The same God that did all those good things for you in the past is the same God that will see you through this tough season. Don't give up and don't go over the edge. Choose to live.

2011

I have so much to say and it's all jumbled in my head. Don't you hate when that happens? Often times, my mouth goes before my thoughts and then I get in big trouble. But tonight as I sit here and write I have so much to say and yet I can't seem to put it to "paper."
This year has brought a lot of growth. With it's often chaotic times, it has brought peace and learning. If you are a woman, let alone a wife and mom, pastor's wife of the best church in Orange County, NY, school volunteer(when I remember to get there), sports mom, counselor, teacher, hostess, and the list goes on, then you know what I am talkin' about. And when I plop into bed at night(and yes, I do plop...more than you know!) I look back at my day, my week and God speaks to me in a still small voice and shows me areas that I need work in, and people I need to ask forgiveness from and those I need to forgive. He tells me to be a little easier on my boys and don't say "no" so much. He has shown me that life goes by so fast and that I need to focus less on the little things and more on the big things because these are the things that have eternal value: my husband, my boys, my family and friends, our ministry(it's really God's but He has entrusted us with it)...to love more, forgive more, play and laugh more, exercise more and not to be so quick to speak...that silence really is golden (yeap, still workin' on that one). He has shown me that His word is true and that even though He didn't allow Seth to be with us that He is still good and kind and loving. I need to trust Him more with every area of my life.
My husband and I went to Boston last month and I had to leave my boys for a night. And if any of you know me, that is just something I do not do and hate to do. It was a school night and what were they going to do without me there to get them off to school in the morning, to get their lunches packed and bundled up...I was stressed. I thought I might play sick and all of a sudden come down with a stomach bug or something, just so I could stay home. But I also knew that my husband was counting on me and that another couple was coming with us. After all, it wasn't a couples retreat(it was sort of), it was a spiritual outing(most definitely and so much more too). We were going to support a Pastor and his bride on opening up a new campus of their church in Boston. So we were excited. But underlying that excitement was dread. It really was lack of trust in God-----Ouch! I admitted that and that brought more panic. I finally relinquished, gave in and went. And do you know what happened? Absolutely nothing. My boys were fine, not traumatized in the least...glad that we were home. What did happen on the trip was that we developed a tighter bond with our friends in ministry and we laughed like we haven't in a long time...urinals and all(inside joke).
God has a funny way of drawing us closer to Himself. He has a way of not grabbing us by the ear and scolding us for not trusting, not resting, not believing that He has it all under control. I think this will be a life long lesson for me. I think He will have to remind me on occasion that He is true to His word and that yes, He does have it all under control.
No worries!
Well, I can at least try...

Transformation

What a transforming time was had this past Sunday @ the newly named "Transformation Church"! It was the party of all parties. With the unveiling of our new Cafe, the announcing of the amount raised for our Capital Campaign, the New Name announcement and of course, Ricardo Sanchez, here live and in person....wow! Ricardo brought a message of hope and healing to the 400 people that were in the building. It brought transformation to their lives because in their hopeless situation they found hope that day.

Like a caterpillar metamorphisizes(this is not a word, looked it up in dictionary, couldn't find it, but just go with it) into a beautiful butterfly, so does our lives. But it doesn't become this beautiful creature with out a struggle. You see there once was a man who found a cocoon and brought it home. It must've fallen from a tree. He placed it on the table and saw this struggle occurring from inside of it. To try and help the poor little butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped the rest of the cocoon away. In doing this the butterfly crawled out onto the table lame and crippled, never learning to fly. You see, it was in the struggle that the butterfly would've gained it's strength and then it would've learned how to fly.
And so it is in the process of the transforming power of God. He could make it real easy for us. He has the power to do that. He can take away the debt, the pain, make the relationship right, get us the house, the car, heal us. As a mom, I love to give gifts to my children, I love to make things easier for them. I like to clean their rooms and make their beds, pick up their toys after them and even clean out the dishwasher. But when I do all of that, I know that I am doing them a disservice(and to their future wives). It's in the learning and the work that they grow and find pride and confidence in a job well done. I am still working on this so I have not perfected that area of my life but I have the concept and now have to apply it consistently. Same with God, if He took all of your troubles and made life easy, would you grow? Would you pray? Would you need Him? Honestly? No, you wouldn't and neither would I. We would like to think that yes, we would praise Him and love Him and Pray to Him, but the truth is, how often do we pray now? How often do we praise Him and thank Him now? On Sundays? At a meal? It's hard to look at ourselves and see the truth.
Growth and transformation happens when we go through trials and pray and praise despite those trials. When the bills are due and God provides a solution. Maybe it's a new job or a second job. Maybe after much prayer and doing your part, He opens a door for you to get a home, get out of debt.
God is in the business of transforming lives everyday. There isn't a moment that goes by that transformation isn't occurring. Just like the butterfly, you may be struggling to break free, you may be fighting to be free, but it's in the fight that you will find strength and courage. You will find freedom and relief.And then after the fight you look in the mirror and see a beautiful creation...YOU! You may be a little banged up, a little broken, but put back together by the Master. Nothing is more gratifying than that!

How to be Happy in a Materialistic World

One word...CONTENTMENT.
I am just as guilty as the next person. Boy, have I found myself complaining and wishing and wanting...that is definitely not cultivating an attitude of gratitude. These two go hand in hand. Contentment and Gratitude. If you are content then you are grateful and thankful for what the Lord has provided for your life. I do believe that we are to live the "abundant" life that God has ordained for us to have. But abundant in what respect? Many will say that abundance in the physical and material. Somehow someone who has a lot isn't necessarily content, grateful of thankful....they only find themselves wanting more, wanting bigger and "better." Discontentment is more likely to be the case here. It seems that the more we have, the more we want and the less happy we are. You look at Hollywood and millionaires around the world, on TV and the news and you find these people in rehab (time after time), or on anti-depressants, searching and looking for meaning. Many of them find that if they give more of themselves and of their time outside of their "world" they feel as if they have purpose. They begin to see that there is a world out there that isn't as fortunate. Tonight's family devotional focused on being 'thankful' and as a family we are doing a small experiment. We are going to be thankful for everything around us and during our day. As my children walked up the stairs tonight, I asked them, "okay, what are you thankful for right now?" They both responded with, "the book?" (it happened to be sitting on one of the steps...as well as other things...). I said "no", think harder...finally they said, "our legs?" (with a little prompting). And I said, "Yeap." So for the rest of the night all I heard was, "I am thankful for my Xbox. I am thankful for my brother. I am thankful for my toothbrush. I am thankful for my pillow." Well, you get the picture. So, Joe and I are also participating. I am thankful for Planet Fitness (despite the soreness that it brings). I am thankful for my husband and my handsome boys. I am thankful for this summer and for our church family. The list goes on...
Contentment is the key to life. It isn't just settling. It is so much more than that. Contentment is being at peace with what you have, with what the Lord has given to you. It stops all the exhausting work of trying to keep up with the neighbors. It looking around you and not feeling jealous or envious of what someone else has because you are happy with your car, or your house, your family.  Striving for excellence in morality and in our walk with God. We should never just be content with living a mediocre life, especially in our relationship with Jesus. God wants you to dream big, aim high, but not to get so wrapped up in obtaining and getting that you lose sight of the things He has provided and to thank Him for His provision. I forget to do that a lot. And I am ashamed to admit that. You see, Pastor's wives are not exempt from all sorts of silliness. We are growing and maturing in our walk and faith just as everyone else. There are things in my life that God is working on....if I just let Him.
Have you ever heard the saying,"Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."? Well, sometimes in our discontentment we wish or want or even pray for something and then we get it. Finally, God gives you what you want after all of your whining and fretting. And then you find out that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Sort of like a story in the Bible of the Israelites. All they wanted was to be like the other nations. What was wrong with wanting a king of their own? One that would rule over them? Well, a lot, since their King was the King of Kings, the Lord God, Himself. Finally, God gave them their desire. He gave them Saul. And after some time, Saul began to sin against God and began to influence the people of God to do turn from Him and worship other gods. Everything that God has told them would happen, happened (He is God after all). They discovered that having a king was no fun at all.
My heart's desire is that my family and I would be content, grateful and thankful for what we have. To live a life of peace in what God has given to us. And to thank Him for the very air we breathe, for the gift of sight, for the ability to read great novels (and blogs...LOL) and to live in a great country such as ours (even with chaos...2012...all you culture warriors get my drift...this is my blog, so I can say anything I want). To laugh with abandon, dance without shame and love without boundaries.
I dare you to try it...just for the rest of the week...be thankful for everything around you and verbalize it...say it..."I am thankful for...." you fill in the blanks.  Then tell me how it goes for you. I look forward to hearing from you all...have fun!

Begin Again...

I am going back to school!!!!!! Can you believe it? I simply cannot contain myself! It's funny how this all began. My dreams have been fulfilled in every respect when it comes to having an amazing husband, two great kids, serving in full-time ministry, and being in God's perfect will (there is nothing better than that). But for me education was always very important and still is (just ask my 10 year old...lol). I grew up in a family where I was the first to graduate High School and the first to go to college. They were hard working people but education was not an option at the time. They had to work to survive. I come from a family of master craftsmen, a family with strong work ethics. My grandfather still works his land in Puerto Rico, he is 80 years old and suffers from bad eye sight, but still gets up when the rooster crows and feeds himself and his family by the sweat of his brow and the food he grows. I wanted to go to college, always! It was away to not be a statistic. I did not want to be another minority girl, pregnant and on welfare. I wanted to get out of that environment. I wanted to do something bigger and something greater than myself. As a 17 year old, that is the way I thought. I also had a mom who "strongly" encouraged me to go to school, go to college, get an education so that you don't have to depend on the government or on anyone. She was my biggest cheerleader. In High School, I did a lot of socializing, but I loved to learn and to read and to master whatever subject I was studying (somehow Science and Math were not two of those subjects). Went to a community college and being 18 and away from home became so unfocused that I was at a 2 year college for more than 3 years...and it wasn't because I was a part-time student either... lol...so much time wasted. Then I finally got serious. Transferred out of there and went to the school of my dreams in a state of my dreams, Southeastern University in sunny Florida! After a crazy three years, I finally found a place where I could start over, where I could begin again. And it was wonderful. For a year, I did pretty good, except in Anatomy and Physiology, which I have to take over again....ugggghhhh! Then my prince charming came a callin'...literally. I came home for the summer, expecting to go back, and I never did. I got married, went into ministry, and had three wonderful boys. I didn't think much of going back to school, until recently. It's something that I have left undone, a loose end. My kids are getting big and are independent for the most part so they don't need mommy in the same way as when they were babies. I feel that now is the right time to go back. I am older now and wiser (I hope). Not easily distracted (unless there is Chinese food in the room). More focused on the important things. I am sure it will be very hard to get studying done, papers due, tests completed and passed, but if God has opened these doors then I believe that He knows that I can do this. I also have an amazing support system...a supportive husband and two very cute kids. With God and my family with me how can I fail?
I ask for much prayer, for me and for my family, for finances to be released (no loans) and for clarity of mind. These my friends, I covet.
I will keep you all updated on my "college" days...without the partying...LOL
It's never too late to begin again...Enjoy the Ride!