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Too Much Too Soon?

Last night I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. I am not even kidding a little bit. I have never had one before but I have known people who have described the experience of one and I think I was on the verge of one. There have been so many changes in the last few months, year. All natural, nothing crazy. I am one that loves change. I crave it. I look for it. I totally don't mind it. But lately it's beginning to affect me in not such a cool way. Sort of like last night. I knew exactly what brought this on. I was not unaware of the reasons for the heart palpitations and the feeling of wanting to stop the world while I caught my breath...you know, till I was able to process what was happening. But that was not the case. I had to pray through it and relax....trust.
Not only are the changes occurring on my head (read previous blog...grays) but also in the lives of my family. First it was Joey last week. Can you believe he is starting middle school in the fall? Well, I absolutely cannot. Then Josiah graduated from Kindergarten today. One chapter closed and another begins. One year gone, way too soon if you ask me. But another year begins. Don't get me wrong, I am  super excited and spur them on. I love that they are completing these wonderful milestones in their lives. I want them to go on missions trips, and to see the world. To go to college (locally preferred, but I won't push it) and enjoy their youth. They will each meet a wonderful girl someday and fall in love. Just so you all know I have been praying for their wives from the day I found out we were having boys, then have children of their own and so on and so forth.
I guess now I don't want life to go so fast anymore. I remember being 17 and I could not wait to turn 18 and then 21 and then I couldn't wait to get married and so on. Once I had my babies I wanted time to stand still.  I wanted to remember everything. Remember their baby scents and their little remarks and the faces they'd make when they didn't like a certain food.  If you're a mom, you know exactly what I am talking about. I still do. I don't want a miss a thing, a moment. I want to keep them with me forever. I know this is not possible but I can still feel that way.
Even though I feel the way I do I encourage them to try new things, I encourage them to spread their wings and not be afraid. I hear Jesus telling me the same things. He tells me not to be afraid. That it's okay. They are his babies and he will take care of them so much better than I could ever. And that I will enjoy every milestone and every adventure they will have. I will have the strength to do what I must do when the time comes. I will have the words and the wisdom to comfort and encourage them. Dr. Dobson from Focus on the Family says it best...."Your child is like a kite. You hold the string for a little while as they try to fly and go. We hold on tighter still the more they try to pull away, but eventually you'll have to let go because the string will eventually break. And little by little, inch by inch you slowly let go. Finally you have released the string and off it goes. " I cried reading that but how true it was. We as parents will have to let go one day. But their lives are entrusted to a mighty God who loves them more than we do and who will walk with them and meet their needs.
I still may get a little anxious from time to time but I am reminded that my God has it all worked out. That it is healthy and in natural order to let your children go. But that letting them go is hard. That now is when trusting God will come in really handy. To love them so that you will live without regret(is this even possible?!). And to enjoy every second with them. To thank God for them because they are His gift to you and to me.

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