"You know, God, this whole aging thing is not cool! I really don't like it and I especially hate the gray hair and the little lines coming up around the eyes. And other gravity realities...."
This whole not-liking-the-aging-thing started when I found my first gray hair. I yanked that sucker out. And I as I winced in pain and from the one half-opened eye I see this silver, shining looking strand of what I know is my hair. I could not believe it. It was actually happening. I was, I was really getting OLLLLDDDDDDD....waahhhhh!!! This was not supposed to happen to me. When did this all begin to happen. I guess in the middle of planting a church, having children, moving from city and state, having more children and having the dailiness of life it all crept up on me. I was supposed to be prepared for this. I always said that I would age "gracefully". I would do the natural look...all gray. No hair dyes. But that all changed not too long ago when I found that first gray hair. I have spoken to my hair dresser, Jennifer, from Hair Expressions about the course of action we are to take once we decide to go all out. She knows the # of grays it's going to take before we do the dying of the hair thing. She calls my hair, "virgin hair, since I have never entirely dyed it before so she is looking forward to getting her hands stained with my new color.
I was speaking to my mother-in-law, Carmen, and she totally agrees with me. She doesn't like it either. We reminisce about the days gone by. How skinny we were. How old we were when we had our kids. About 2 years ago we took my in-laws to the places where they grew up, where they met, where they used to eat and where they got married. We were able to go inside the church and they stood and took a picture at the altar where they stood NOT so long ago.
One thing I am realizing....if I I hadn't grown older, I wouldn't be here...right now...with all I have. I have a wonderful husband (who's really darn HOT) and two amazing kids. My little house on the prairie and a wonderful church with the greatest people in the world. Though I looked good back in my 20's, those were some tough times...insecure times. I was hot but was a hot-mess too.
Would I trade my yesterdays for my todays? Not in a million years. I got married to the man of my dreams, had three amazing kids, have made some amazing friends, have planted, pastored, and served in some amazing places. My life is pretty great right now. So with the lines around my eyes, and the grays just popping up, and the gravity things I mentioned, I love my life. And the lessons I have learned along the way are priceless: Forgive quickly, love much, laugh with abandon, don't hold on to grudges, sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do just to make someone happy, the best things in life aren't mansions, and getaways to some exotic place (though that would be amazingly nice!), it's when you are home with your little family eating chinese, watching a movie all cuddled up on the couch together, or not having enough money for a night out but scrounging some change to just go out and grab a cup of coffee from DD and holding hands and talking about our dreams for the future. These are the things I didn't have when I had the body, the looks, but I have it now and I am blessed beyond measure.
Sometimes I look around me and wonder what I ever did to deserve such an amazing life. Is it void of pain and hardship? No. I wish. There is nothing I can do about the trials and tribulations that come my way but I can do something about the way I respond to them.
The gray is going to come, the lines will turn into wrinkles, but there will be weddings and babies that will come, graduations and driver's licenses to be gotten...there are so many wonderful things to look forward to. Oh, and that red convertible that Joe and I will be visiting our kids and grandchildren with. I will try not to focus on the grays that will pop up, but if you happen to see a gorgeous middle aged red headed woman at the church...look twice, it just might be me.
Here's to lessons learned during our journey!
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