Ruth Nieves

I am guessing that right about now you are wondering which battle am I referring to. Being that we battle so many of them on a daily basis. As a woman, as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend...we experience challenges and trials of all kinds and at different levels. I am struggling once again with this thing called "fear." Something I struggled with all of my life. Afraid of things that I have no control over. Not being able to sleep or relax, always being on alert. Having no peace or true joy. I find myself wondering why am I dealing with this again...after many years of freedom? As I sat last night asking God this very question, God softly and gently let me in on a little secret. What He revealed to me was a child walking with her father in a beautiful forest. He is pointing out some really beautiful things that he wants to share with her. After a little while, she begins to wander off, alone. She is distracted by a bird here and a beautiful butterfly over there...and slo...

After coming home from work, helping with homework, making dinner, baths, snacks and laundry, I actually made it to the gym. When I get home, the dishes are still in the sink, the kids are still awake and the house in in disarray. Before I continue, I need to point out that my wonderful husband does help around the house. He is a wonderful husband and an even greater dad. He was just as tired as I was from a long and exhausting day. Needless to say, I was a "little" upset(to say the least). So, I took off my sneakers and my jacket, rolled up my sleeves and began washing the dishes. As I washed and scrubbed, I grumbled and complained. "I can't believe the dishes aren't done, I mean, come on, I work just as hard. I work outside the home and inside the home and everywhere else and I deserve not to have to do the dishes sometimes"...and on and on and on. As I'm washing my pretty dishes, God interrupted my pity party, my complaining session. And He said, ...

All I can say is that Sunday was a very difficult day for me...I just could not get into the realm of the praise. My body was in the House but my heart was not there. I kept asking myself, "what is wrong with you, Ruth?" "What's going on?" I couldn't shake it as much as I tried to sing and listen to the amazing words that were being spoken...truths that should have made me leap off of my feet. At one point I began to think way back on things that had been said about me and things that had been done and I became angry, all during the powerful time of praise. Can you believe it? The enemy had latched himself to me and would not get off. I knew right then and there that I was at war! At war with the spiritual realm. At war with the enemy of my joy and soul. I sat there stunned and fighting. And all week, I have felt such a heaviness. A sort of despair, that I have not been able to shake. Praying to God continuously has kept me sane. Knowing that this is a seas...

I must say that even in the small things and in the smallest of prayers, God answers. I am continually amazed at the fact that God is concerned about my smallest need and concern. Today, for instance, I took Joey to practice and he was in full gear...helmet, cleats, jersey, shoulder pads...pads all over. And it was hot! As I opened my red chair on the football lawn and sat, I could feel the sweat pouring off of me and I was in capris and a short sleeve shirt. I prayed. I asked the Lord silently in my heart to make the sun go away and make it a little cooler. And almost instantaneous, it did. The sun hid behind a cloud and a nice breeze began to blow. And all I could say was, "thank you, Lord." And then I began to think. And I asked myself(and God), "why aren't all of my prayers answered so quickly." And the answer came just as quickly, "because many times you ask with the wrong motive...Because sometimes my answer is no....because there is a purpose in wait...

Reading my last post made even me depressed. But, folks, even I can get down. And I am one that expresses myself best on "paper." There are some of you who are actors. And others write poetry and yet others can simply say what they are feeling. I usually think of my best lines long after the conversation is done. And then I usually want to kick myself for not saying the "cool" line. You know, like in the movies. Last night was a crazy night. Full of all sorts of feelings and emotions. Sorry that you all had to be exposed to it too. I guess that if I am feeling like that then maybe some of you have felt that way too. I am a pretty private person and to expose myself as such made me feel very vulnerable. I guess it's okay to be vulnerable at times. But God continues to love me through these crazy years...ever so patiently. So glad that "He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it." I am a work in progress. I have not arrived yet....no...

I guess it has been one of those days...okay, weeks. I have tried not to let it get to me. I have tried to pray it through, talk it through, see it through. And for the most part it has worked. God is truly wonderful and compassionate. As loving, patient and kind as ever...patient. But like Habakkuk I seem to be asking the same question again..."Lord, why?" So much tragedy and chaos in our world. Things seem so unfair. How does one continue? How does one go on? How does one survive? It feels as if there is always something lurking in a corner ready to pounce on an unsuspecting victim. It seems sometimes as if we should always be living on the defensive, living with the "understanding" that tragedy, illness, accidents, losing fingers, warrants, death, pain, tears are a minuscule , a millisecond away. And there is nothing that can be done about it. And yet, how can we live at peace? Can we run free? Laugh without fear or dread? Can we sleep without worry? Can we breat...

I must say that I am like most of you out there. I wait and do my own thing when God says do something else. I act like a spoiled brat, with arms crossed across my chest, refusing to give in. I pout and linger, digging my toe in the ground as if He's going to give in to me. Like I know what's really best for me...like I see the big picture. Haven't I been down this road before? Haven't I said, "I will do better next time?" Man, I do try. And I try real hard and yet, I can't seem to get it right. I guess that is the problem right there. I'm the one that is trying. Me. Not God. I want to hold on the the hurts. I want to make my self heard. Yet, God says, "No. Do it my way. It's not the easiest or the most comfortable way, but IT IS the best way." And yet when I find myself struggling and floundering. And yet again make a mess of things...then and only then do I fall on my knees in repentance, asking God to please forgive me and to give me a...