I always thought that I was good with change. That I didn't mind change. That I thrived with change. I found out that this was all true when it was good change. Like a new home change or a vacation change. Lots and Lots of changes have been occurring in my life lately...A LOT. Do all changes lead to good? I haven't figured that out quite yet. Does a divorce lead to good? Maybe in just the realization that you could've worked harder and done more. Maybe the realization is the good. That maybe the second time around since you're wiser now things will be different. Was the death of a child good? Never. But that another child was born that might not have been born had the other child lived is good...That there is purpose in every change. That there is something to be learned with every change. That there is growing with every change. Yes, I've grown and seen purpose and meaning come from all sorts of changes in my life. I'm not divorced but have friends who have experienced the pain of it and have heard their wisdom...and I still learn. I have lost a child and grown...very slowly yet without answers still. But I still love and move and grow.
God places me in places that I would have never dreamed of being at. Right now I am serving as the Interim Children's Director @ Transformation Church. In a million years I would have never ever thought that I would be in this role. I thought that those years had passed. I thought God was ready to use me but not in this way, in this area. After our Children's Director resigned...the first after 2 years, the second after one year and the third after 3 months there was no one to do the job. I am an all in kind of girl so I volunteered. Can I tell you that I LOVE IT??!!! It is not an easy ministry to do. It is hard work but I love it. I really do. I love the Transformers who make this role easy for me. They come in on Sundays and love on the kids and their families. I love the kids and their families. I think this is truly a rewarding experience. There are hiccups in every job and role. For me it's always about recruiting and scheduling. Making sure that classes are covered. Trying not to forget who's not going to be here. The occasional late Transformer. Replacing people that are moving on. All logistics but the ministry to the kids overshadows all that other stuff. I've learned so much about myself through this process. I've learned so much about people too. I've learned about myself that I can take on a challenge and run with it and do good at it. I've never thought of myself as someone smart or intelligent but I'm pretty good. I rose to the challenge and I am getting things done. I know that I still need to do better in lots of areas but I know that I change that as well and succeed.
I've also been changing my body. I've been doing this through exercise and clean eating. I've lost 5 lbs as of today (started 3 weeks ago) and I've gone down a pants size and a dress size. I hadn't looked at myself in a really long time. I don't mean like in a mirror I mean really looked at myself. I finally saw that I was so unhealthy in lots of areas of my life. Being physically unhealthy was contributing to the negative feelings I felt about myself. I finally decided to get healthy not for anyone else anymore but for me. So I started a Crossfit regiment and it has kicked my butt but it has helped me tremendously with my self-esteem and my appearance. Now I am no model by any means of the imagination but I am a healthier version of me. So on Saturday some of us ladies decided to go out to dinner. I had purchased a size large dress which I didn't think would fit but I bought it anyway. So on Saturday I tried it on and it fit! It looked and felt amazing. I decided to wear it for the evening. It was just above the knee and I am super self conscious about my "fat" legs but that night I didn't care. I felt great. I went and got a manicure. I spent some time on my hair. Did an awesome job on my make-up. Basically dolled myself up. At first I was a bit intimidated by the people staring. In the past I would be saying to myself that they were saying all sorts of negative things about my appearance but that night I only thought that they were thinking wonderfully beautiful thoughts. But whatever was being thought or said did not really matter. Change had taken over my heart and mind and emotions and I was happy with that.
I am starting a new journey that I am not quite sure I am ready for and I will post more about that once I've been in the process for a while but stay tuned it's going to get really fun from here.
Self discovery is truly the ultimate in change happening. God does not want us to stay the same. He wants us to grow and develop. He wants us to mature. Why? Because as we are challenged, as we experience life, our knowledge of who He is grows. He becomes less of a mystery and more of a friend, a confidant. There are many times when He is all we have and really He is all we need. Our trust in Him grows and so does our confidence in Him. He stops being this small little God and becomes our all in all...All encompassing.
God places me in places that I would have never dreamed of being at. Right now I am serving as the Interim Children's Director @ Transformation Church. In a million years I would have never ever thought that I would be in this role. I thought that those years had passed. I thought God was ready to use me but not in this way, in this area. After our Children's Director resigned...the first after 2 years, the second after one year and the third after 3 months there was no one to do the job. I am an all in kind of girl so I volunteered. Can I tell you that I LOVE IT??!!! It is not an easy ministry to do. It is hard work but I love it. I really do. I love the Transformers who make this role easy for me. They come in on Sundays and love on the kids and their families. I love the kids and their families. I think this is truly a rewarding experience. There are hiccups in every job and role. For me it's always about recruiting and scheduling. Making sure that classes are covered. Trying not to forget who's not going to be here. The occasional late Transformer. Replacing people that are moving on. All logistics but the ministry to the kids overshadows all that other stuff. I've learned so much about myself through this process. I've learned so much about people too. I've learned about myself that I can take on a challenge and run with it and do good at it. I've never thought of myself as someone smart or intelligent but I'm pretty good. I rose to the challenge and I am getting things done. I know that I still need to do better in lots of areas but I know that I change that as well and succeed.
I've also been changing my body. I've been doing this through exercise and clean eating. I've lost 5 lbs as of today (started 3 weeks ago) and I've gone down a pants size and a dress size. I hadn't looked at myself in a really long time. I don't mean like in a mirror I mean really looked at myself. I finally saw that I was so unhealthy in lots of areas of my life. Being physically unhealthy was contributing to the negative feelings I felt about myself. I finally decided to get healthy not for anyone else anymore but for me. So I started a Crossfit regiment and it has kicked my butt but it has helped me tremendously with my self-esteem and my appearance. Now I am no model by any means of the imagination but I am a healthier version of me. So on Saturday some of us ladies decided to go out to dinner. I had purchased a size large dress which I didn't think would fit but I bought it anyway. So on Saturday I tried it on and it fit! It looked and felt amazing. I decided to wear it for the evening. It was just above the knee and I am super self conscious about my "fat" legs but that night I didn't care. I felt great. I went and got a manicure. I spent some time on my hair. Did an awesome job on my make-up. Basically dolled myself up. At first I was a bit intimidated by the people staring. In the past I would be saying to myself that they were saying all sorts of negative things about my appearance but that night I only thought that they were thinking wonderfully beautiful thoughts. But whatever was being thought or said did not really matter. Change had taken over my heart and mind and emotions and I was happy with that.
I am starting a new journey that I am not quite sure I am ready for and I will post more about that once I've been in the process for a while but stay tuned it's going to get really fun from here.
Self discovery is truly the ultimate in change happening. God does not want us to stay the same. He wants us to grow and develop. He wants us to mature. Why? Because as we are challenged, as we experience life, our knowledge of who He is grows. He becomes less of a mystery and more of a friend, a confidant. There are many times when He is all we have and really He is all we need. Our trust in Him grows and so does our confidence in Him. He stops being this small little God and becomes our all in all...All encompassing.
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