I feel fat. I feel ugly, puffy and round. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not hideous but I think as women we all feel a little of these things every once in a while. But wait, I'm not finished. I feel stupid and like a terrible mom and wife. I get really down on myself and feel like everyone else thinks these things too. Does this sound remotely familiar at all? Joe doesn't know exactly what to do with me when I am so nutty and screwy. He tries to "get it" but I can see by the look in his eyes that he is REALLY confused. I can just see him now looking at the calendar to see if "Aunt Freida" is coming for a "visit." Just to let you all know that we don't have an Aunt Freida and I don't know many Puerto Ricans who do...but we just make names up for it...LOL...see told you I was screwy.
But there are four things I have learned recently when I get so down and out.
1. Joe can't help me. He can tell me till he's blue in the face just how beautiful I am and what a wonderful wife and mother I am, but it doesn't sink in. I don't believe him. Not because he isn't being truthful but because what I am suffering with isn't low self-esteem but a lack of God's truth. Which leads to lesson learned #2.
2. Only God can take this battlefield of my mind and make it His. If I read His Word and believe what it says about me. Tonight Joe, the boys and I did our family devotions and it spoke of how Satan is a liar and how he wants to take God's truth and turn it into a lie. All those things I was speaking to myself were all lies. They weren't coming from God but from the destroyer of my faith, life and self-esteem. I knew that satan was having a field day with me and that I had to stop it. The only way I could do that was by doing lesson learned #3.
3. Getting into God's word and allowing His truth to saturate my soul, my mind, my spirit. Only His truth could set my mind free from all the lies it was receiving. I knew that by surrounding myself with the right songs, the right people and the right Message, I was going to be set free and would be all right. Which leads to a major point. Point #4.
4. When I have gotten so busy that I stop praying, reading His word and spending time with Him I notice that little by little I become unraveled, unglued, if you will. I begin to lose myself. Because who am I without Christ? I am because He is. I breathe because He gives me breath. I have life because I gave my life up. Without Christ I am nothing, I am non-existent. Physically I would be an empty vessel roaming the earth with no purpose, void of eternity. And yet, I get so busy and so out of touch with Him that I begin to lose myself. I begin to believe the lies. I begin to respond to the lies and act as if they are truth. Thank God for His spirit that slaps me up and straightens me out. He leaves me in that state just for a little while just for me to get a taste of what my life would be without Him. I can tell you that I never want to live without my God, my Jesus. Could you imagine?! I would be a total nut case. And for those of you who know me, I know what you're thinking..."She's a nutcase now. What is she talking about?" Well, nobody asked you! LOL...and shhhh!! Let's keep that all a secret...LOL. I know I can be a bit much. Glad you all love me anyway.
So take if from this nutty, screwy, lover and follower of Jesus girl, stay close to God because there isn't a man, woman or child on this planet that can make it all better only He can! Once this has all sunken in, grab a latte, a piece of chocolate, and the Word and relax, He's got it all under control. Enjoy the java!
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