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Sitting here at my kitchen table while the sun warms my back in silence with the ticking of the clock is therapeutic for me today. These are the times where I feel God ever so close to me. I have been in a desert place lately. But I've read and learned that it is in the desert that God speaks ever so tenderly to those of us who seek Him. And I am seeking God. Seeking Him for a lot of things. Not material things. But seeking Him for spiritual things, depth and clarity, direction and peace in where He directs.    I have believed a lie for a long time. And in believing this lie I have exhausted my soul, my mind, my spirit. For a long time, for about one year, God has been telling me to stop. Stop everything. Stop doing. Stop trying to help, to achieve. Stop! In one of my journal entries all that was written in big, bold letters was the word, "STOP!" Even when I heard God so clearly telling me to stop I have done anything but stop. The lie that if I am not doing I am not b
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Recent posts

Married and Watching the "How to Be Single Life"

I don't know what I was thinking. Really! It was a moment of insanity or wanting a girls night or maybe wanting a good laugh. I can't tell you exactly what it was but I did it. I went to see "How to Be Single." I usually research any movie we watch as a family or that my kids want to watch. But I actually thought this movie would be a cross between "My Greek Fat Greek Wedding" and "The Notebook." I thought it would be clever and funny and silly. But what I got was raunchy, nasty, way too sexual and just plain not funny. There was no depth to any of the characters, they were either high, drunk, having a crisis or sleeping and kissing with someone. I sure pray that this generation isn't doing life like this. I didn't hear shock or disbelief in the crowd that I was in. I heard tons of laughter. I had every intention of walking out after the first scene which I was mortified at because I had invited. two. ladies. from. MY. CHURCH!!!! I thought
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Changes

I always thought that I was good with change. That I didn't mind change. That I thrived with change. I found out that this was all true when it was good change. Like a new home change or a vacation change. Lots and Lots of changes have been occurring in my life lately...A LOT. Do all changes lead to good? I haven't figured that out quite yet. Does a divorce lead to good? Maybe in just the realization that you could've worked harder and done more. Maybe the realization is the good. That maybe the second time around since you're wiser now things will be different. Was the death of a child good? Never. But that another child was born that might not have been born had the other child lived is good...That there is purpose in every change. That there is something to be learned with every change. That there is growing with every change. Yes, I've grown and seen purpose and meaning come from all sorts of changes in my life. I'm not divorced but have friends who have exp
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What's Your Outlet?

   I can't believe it's been more than a year since I have posted anything. Believe me when I tell you I've had plenty to say just haven't had enough time to write them out. It has been one crazy year though. So many wonderful things have happened. After five years we finally moved into our new home. The boys went to camp for the very first time. They had mixed feelings about it. We have wonderful new neighbors that look out for us and we absolutely love that. My husband has a new hobby and I think he loves it more than he actually admits for he misses it when he's not near it. Yes, folks, it's his pond. He loves that small pool of water. He buys algae eating plants for it, to keep it clean. He filters it and cleans it. He rearranges the rocks just right. I love that he has found something to preoccupy his time, to get his mind off of work and the stressors of life.      How do you unplug during times of stress? I have found that for me just sitting outside o
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The Holidays are Here...Stressed or Excited?!

I just can't believe that the holidays are here. Next week is Thanksgiving...OMG! My oldest shared that scary truth with me last night. I broke out in a cold sweat with heart palpitations and all. I have gotten stressed just thinking about it all in the past. And I still do especially when the in-laws come to stay. I adore them but you know how it is, you dust in areas that you haven't dusted in since last Thanksgiving, the pillows have to be just right, the fridge needs to be stocked with their favorite things to eat and drink. Now, I know they don't come to give me the eye, but at least until they've settled down for a few minutes, I want them to see the house neat and orderly. Then after that, "Who cares?!" LOL, break out the Egg Nog (non-alcoholic version, of course). My parents will be here and my sister and her family, my brothers and their children, aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews, friends and Speedy, our Beta Fish. It's going to be a great wee
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Hold Your Horses...Having a Calgon Moment Here

Who wants to go to the beach? Who wants to just lay there with the sun on their skin (with sunscreen of course) listening to the waves hit the shore? Me, Me, Me.... It's a whopping 37 degrees here in New York and there's a little man in my head chiseling away at it. My son has a cold with a bad cough and there are tons of things to be done at the office and at home. I can handle it. After all, "I am woman, hear me roar.", right? I tell my kids that I am actually a ninja by night and that I do great exploits when they're asleep. Like fold laundry and put it away so when they wake up their socks and pants are all in their rightful place or do the dishes without the clink of a glass. Except that they don't believe me. I got this when my littlest guy tells me that, "Mom, I can't wait to be an adult." I of course, super curious, said, "Really, why?" He says, "So I can sit around and do nothing like you." I was like, "Whaaaaat
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Yesterdays Gone...Today is a New Day

This week has been a crazy, stressful, emotional one. I am glad for grace and strength and breath to be able to make it through. If not for the grace of God I don't know what I would've done. It's been one thing after another; fevers, headaches, fasting, praying, all kinds of attacks, workouts, cramps, phone calls, emails, and the list goes on. Boy am I thankful for another day. A day to start over, to begin again. I am thankful that as a Christ follower I have hope in tomorrow. I have Hope, He is Hope, my Hope. I can face anything with Him. My family had a scary moment this past Sunday. Had it not been for God's grace and strength I probably would've lost it. I read a scripture of encouragement to our church and this is the one I selected. Looking back now I believe God had selected it for me. I lifted my eyes toward heaven and in an inaudible voice, I cried out to God. I lifted my eyes and heart toward heaven and He heard my cry and answered it. Sunday will prov
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